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harith ami & muhriz

Weather sekarang sgt unpredictable kan,be it here in Hannover atau kat Malaysia pon sama je rasanya.This year we had prolonged winter,in April pon masih snow.Dhn after half a year bersejuk2 ada la sun kejap for 2 weeks in July.Too hot pula sampai ke 35Celcius.Last week the temperature dropped back to 14C so we thought Fall was here,so belikan adik winter suit ni siap2.

My baby hippo
Tapi tgk2 weekend panas balik so apa lagi,pi pekena ice cream jap.Our current fav flavor is Sneakers,best bangattt.
Hehe yg org pantang tgk ibu baru 3bulan bersalin dah makan ice cream jgn ckp bentan2 yeah,I is no like.Lain org lain badan.This time kite pantang ikut mat saleh yo!huhu actually masa beranak kat muhriz pon gi checkup sebulan dah suruh hubby beli air sejuk muehehe.Org kata jgn makan benda2 sejuk kan tapi kat sini menu kat ward bersalin pon hari2 diorang bagi fresh milk sejuk,yougurt sejuk.Saya makan je.Yougurt buat saya tak sembelit langsung,pastu minum air mineral at least 2bottlex1.5L,urine mmg clear je tak concentrated yg org Melayu panggil kencing kotor.Pastu lagi satu kalau org tua2 lepas beranak tak kasi byk2 gerak kan.Tapi according to my gynae,the only way nak kurangkan angin dlm badan is to move a lot which I did dan kesannya saya tak dak angin2 pon this time.Owh lupa nak ckp anakanda Muhsin,at 3months old,kamu dah ada gigi!His tooth buds are coming out so semlm masa checkup his paed prescribed some fluoride.Babah ckp ni mama la telan bergalloon2 yougurt huhu.
Ok bye.
A temporary EP mom i hope.

Minggu before raya tue bfeeding week kan so rasa nak share my own bfeeding story.

Muhriz was weaned off the breast at 31months,and he was fully directfed,budak tak kenal botol =p

With Muhsin,it's a totally different story.Muhsin sendiri saya pertama kali jumpa die on his 3rd day.After the operation,the esophagus needed to rest hence no mouth feeding until the contrast test was done and the doctor gave an OK.So he was fed through IV or gavage feeding with TPN(Total Parenting Nutrition) for 8days after the repair.
Saya mula pump hari ke 3.Di ICU I was too sick to even get up.First thing the nurse tanya bila masuk normal delivery suite was whether I intended to breastfeed my baby.Of course I said yes though I knew Muhsin tak akan minum susu tue.Every 4 hours saya diingatkan to pump.Susu diorang hantarkan ke Milch Kuche(Milk Kitchen) untuk disimpan.Saya ditahan di ward sampai hari ke 8.Tiap kali ke bilik pump saya perlu bawa selain urine bag,2 lagi drainage bags utk drain darah dari uterus.Besides the c sect cut,the dr buat 2 more holes next to it to drain the excessive blood dari placenta accreta.Di leher ada 3 wires utk ubat dan blood transfussion.The dr called it central line,nurse ckp itu my necklace.Sakit memang.Sebab byk sgt accessory nie dan saya seorang2 di ward,hubby dtg dgn Muhriz around noon to 7pm je,kadang2 nurse yg tolong pasangkan pump,hantarkan pump ke bilik.Tapi most of the times saya jalan sendiri ke pumping room,kene jeling dgn visitor2 sebab byk pakai wire tu biasalah.Susah sikit lah tapi I had decided so I must do it.First few sessions mmg dpt sikit je around 10ml,itu normal.I learned that dgn Muhriz dulu.Sebab it was impossible to direct feed,pumping helped me to establish the milk.Alhamdulillah Allah mada it easy,no sore nipples,engorgement pon tolerable lah lagi.


Started day 8,Muhsin mula diberi breastmilk through tube+TPN(IV).He was on tube feeding sampai day 28.Bila saya sudah boleh pulang ke rumah,rutin saya,setiap pagi sampai ke hospital akan hantar susu dahulu.From day to day dr akan cuba kurangkan TPN dan increased breatmilk intake.Day 15,doctor ckp boleh stop TPN sebab Muhsin accepted my milk very well and blood test pon showed cukup nutrition.So I was beyond happy.Tapi kemudian timbul pula problem dgn vessel leakage.To stop the leakage,vessel tersebut perlu "rehat".In other words,Muhsin tidak boleh diberi any fat melalui mulut.Fat perlu terus ke dlm salur darah tanpa melalui vessel tadi.Jadi no breastmilk.Hanya boleh diberi Basic F yg hanya ada karbo.Sedih saya.Tapi saya redha sebab itu yg paling baik untuk dia sembuh.
Saya masih juga pump.Mesti pump so tak kacau production.Muhsin was on Basic F for 10 days.Hari ke 25 bila tiada lagi fluid keluar dari drainage,baru dr benarkan breastmilk semula.Day 29,sehari sebelum die dipindahkan ke surgical unit,they fed him with bottle for the first time.Alhamdulillah,he took his first bottle very well,tak ada problem.Saya pon try juga direct feed die but failed.I tried every time I went to visit him.Kadang die nak tapi most of the times die reject.
But I didnot give up.Giving up what's best for your baby is a waste.Sampai sekarang saya masih an exclusively pumping mama.Muhsin still rejects my breast tapi kami mmg plan tanak kasi die too attached with breast.Nanti kene admitted for next operation susah pula kan.So i pump every 3 hours.Selalunya dpt around 5oz.Malam pump once before tido dlm kul 10 lepas tue bgn dlm pukul 2.yg ni dpt byk sikit maybe before tido bantai minum air banyak2,susu banyak,badan pon rehat.So dpt lah around 8oz,paling byk dpt 10oz.Tgh mlm ni pump lama sikit sebab tak busy huhu.Siang before hubby comes back from office,bersilat jugak la nak handle both kiddo dan pump lagi.Tapi so far I manage it.Kadang tgh pump adik nangis,abg nak wee wee lah huhu.Morning session yg paling sibuk,nak pump,nak dukung baby,nak prepare bfast/bekal babah.Banyakk kali kene pump sambil dukung adik.Saya tak pernah miss pump so far,terlambat dlm half an hour biasa buat.Some said ada freestyle tak jamin susu byk.For me itu betul lah tapi ada freestyle adalah sgt handy,buat semuanya senang.Sambil pump sambil masak sambil pakaikan baju si sulong or bagi susu kat adik.Kalau kene pakai manual mau stress saya hihi.And I am lucky my hubby supports bfeeding as much as I do.Balik kerja tolong jaga anak while saya pump.Malam2 saya bgn pump die bgn bagi EBM kat Muhsin hehe
 We are facing another challenge.Muhsin,though he drinks a lot 100mlx8-7times a day,he doesnot gain much.And the surgeon ckp he needs to be 5-6kg for the next operation.Patut operate end of this month tapi dipostpone sebab Muhsin baru 4kg.He didnot gain weight during the 38days hospital stay.Balik rumah baru naik berat.And we have a time constraint here,tak boleh afford to postpone operation beyond Oct.Syukur both his paed and surgeon are pro breastfeeding,so diorang ckp to continue bfeeding but they also prescribe an energy enhancer to be added to the EBM.The enhancer should help him to gain weight faster as it has added calory.Sebabnya the only way to add more calory in breastmilk is to express frequently dan saya tak pernah miss pump so there's nothing else I can do.So in his EBMe sekarang kene tambah Duocol,sikit je tapi dr ckp hujung2 pisau je sukatan dia.Dan saya juga buat macam ni,for each feeding,saya akan ambil 2 bottles EBM from fridge,EBM kan bila sejuk boleh clearly see fore/hind milk,part pekat/hind yg contains all the fat selalunya kat atas.So saya akan amik part yg pekat dari bottle first campur to 2nd bottle,letak dlm warmer and add a bit of Duocol.

These are my EBM.Told ya tak byk pon at one time ada 12bottles je.Dari muhriz saya sudah tahu saya ni bukanlah jenis kilang susu yg meriah tapi I believe in demand n supply concept;susu ibu mmg cukup utk anak.Saya tak simpan frozen EBM sebab kat rumah ni ada satu je fridge and I donot like the idea of storing EBM satu freezer dgn lauk2 mentah.So I just keep the EBM in the chiller,yg lebih dari 4 days akan dibuang.So far semuanya cukup for Muhsin.formula milk mmg tak ada pon kat rumah ni,insyaAllah akan cukup milk mama ni untuk kamu ok adik.Some people tak suka the idea of sharing gambar stock EBM,especially kalau yg stock banyak sampai penuh peti.Some ckp diorang riak susu meriah.For me,they are not.They deserve to be proud of the EBM they have collected sebab apa,they work for it.Bukan senang2 nak dpt penuh peti.Just ada niat tapi tak usaha tak akan dpt.Bukannya sehari nak penuhkan peti tue.Saya walaupon tak byk EBM dlm peti tapi everytime nak letak new ones saya akan kira berapa botol semuanya.psycho tak?hahaha
Saya selalu ingatkan diri each bfeeding journey is different and this time I have to fight extra hard for it.A successful bfeeding journey doesnot depends on how much you make but it's how much you want  and work for it.Sebab itu org kata bfeeding is 90% determination and only 10% milk supply.

Ok penat dah type,I hope this arrangement(being an EP mom) is just temporary,tak sabar nak directfeed budak Muhsin ni.Tapi selagi saya boleh usaha,saya akan usahakan breastmilk for him.It might not be the best for every mom,but it's undeniably the best for your baby.
Assalamualaikum
Hubby has been asking bila mau update blog.Since we have just few more months here,rasa nak merajinkan diri sikit lah update.Kang balik msia lagi lah malasnya internet tak berapa besh hihihi.Plus tatau lagi bila akan dtg balik ke Hannover nie,dtg pon kalau just ikut hubby dtg meeting kejap2 tue feelingnya mesti lain.

Hari ni I want to share pasal Muhsin,our little miracle.Muhsin turned 3months on 16 of August.Alhamdulillah balik dari hospital tak ada major issue except slow sikit to gain weight.Ini mmg of special concern because he needs to be 5-6kg before the next operation.

Muhsin was born unable to swallow.Part of his esophagus was not connected.So no connection to the stomach.A condition called Esopagheal Atresia with Trachea Fistula and can only be corrected with surgery.The upper part ended blindly like a pouch.And the lower part was wrongly connected to the windpipe/trachea.Statistic shows this condition is rare and happens only 1 in 4000 birth.It is more common in Europe/USA,kat Asia jarang.First I couldnot help but blame myself for his condition but his surgeons reassured me that nobody knows what cause this condition.

Remember my post on pregnancy complication?I had an excessive amnitioc fluid sampai kene drain out the fluid 2 times(each time the dr keluarkan 2L).That was because Muhsin was unable to swallow the fluid,sebab tue my fluid byk.Alhamdulillah didiagnos awal,so on the delivery day mmg surgeon Muhsin dah ready.They took him to NICU to do test and prepare for the operation.He was repaired on the 2nd day.I wasnot there as I was still in ICU after severe blood loss because of placenta previa and placenta accreta.

Muhsin spent 30 days in NICU and another 8 days in surgical units.Masa di NICU die experienced post operation issues like GERD(gastro reflux),pneumonia and on day 15,a dr approached my while I was waiting for visiting hours to start outside of the NICU and told me they needed to make a hole between his lung and thorax because there was liquid accumulating,this is called chylothorax.The liquid came from a leakage from a vessel that was probably injured during the operation.And the liquid caused problem in his breathing sebab tue kene intubated(dipasang breathing wire all the way to trachea) sampai 2 weeks.Kes biasa seminggu je.Sebab lama kene intubated ni,he lost his voice and we could only hear his little cry on day 28.

Looking at him now,we could not believe he got to go through all those in his early life.But he made it.He's a strong baby and we're so very proud of him.I hope this blog akan exist sampai Muhsin and Muhriz besar so they can read it and know how much hubby and I love them both.This phase is not over.2 more operations coming.Besides that,since this Esophageal Atresia(EA) falls under an association called VACTERL,muhsin was also sent for echocardiogramm to check his heart and we went to a cardiologist again last week to follow up.Alhamdulillah his heart is healthy and has no issue but the dr said it's good if we can come again to check before going back to Malaysia.And maybe check lagi sekali masa Muhsin umur 3 thn dan before going to school.Muhsin is on medication until now and maybe for the next few years.The challenge has not ended,we need to monitor kalau2 die ada problem later as common issues for a EA kid are stricture(narrowing),leakage and reflux.Narrowing causes food stuck.And acidic/gassy food/drink can initiate a reflux.Kami doakan none of this will ever happen to him.Bila rasa sedih saya selalu ingatkan diri yg Allah tak akan uji diluar kemampuan saya.Dan kalau saya rasa susah,saya akan ingatkan diri ada ibu2 yg lebih susah dari ini.Jgn merungut.Minta Allah bantu instead.Merungut dan bersedih is normal but not helping.

Semoga Allah memberikan kami kekuatan dan kemudahan didalam setiap urusan.A friend with also a special kid once wrote on her fb "Allah kurniakan anak2 istimewa utk ibu2 istimewa yg terpilih yg sabar dan tabah" Muhsin dan Muhriz are my life,lebih berharga dari everything else di dunia ini.Dan semoga Muhriz dan Muhsin membesar menyayangi satu sama lain,taat dan faham pada agama dan keluarga.Mama dan Babah love you both sgt kuasa berapa juta pon tak tahu :)



 Esok mama tulis lagi sementara tgh mood rajin ni(Actually babah suruh hihi)

Oops if any reader is reading,selamat hari raya ye.Kami tak beraya mana pon kat sini :)