seriously i just donot know dari mana dtg this courage to write.Maybe after 13days,rasa i have to let it out.Hubby dah start keje and he's the only one yg i am comfortable talking to besides Muhsin's doctors and nurses.Alhamdulillah selamat melahirkan a beautiful baby boy on 16th of May,and we named him Muhsin.Nak sgt nama anak dekat2 sampai kadang2 tersasul jugak panggil Muhsin Muhriz.Muhsin is still hospitalized,he needs special care right now dan kami sgt berterima kasih for all the supports,doa and wishes from family and friends even ones yg tak pernah jumpa.
Semuanya sgt cepat.3 weeks ago i can still remember we had this appointment with my gynae to select the c-zer date.My actual EDD is 1st of June but according to her,it's no longer productive to wait closer to the EDD as my amniotic fluid started to build up again instead of going down.So she gave us 2 dates to deliver the baby,either on the 16th or 21st of May.We chose the first one sebab my bro was here,so adalah tukang jaga Muhriz.
Wednesday tue mmg busy kat rumah,masih ada baju Muhsin kene basuh,masak lauk siap2 utk 3 hari so diorang kat rumah nie tak kelaparan.Ingatkan semua akan smooth je macam beranakkan si Muhriz,3rd day dah boleh balik.Thursday tue kami bgn awal,5am dah bgn sebab dr suruh ada kat hospital around 7am,she said I was the first in line for the operation.Kissed Muhriz goodbye dan ckp nanti muhriz dtg tgk mama dan adik ye.Dlm kereta both hubby and I tak byk ckp,nervous dan rasa pelik.for the first time sepanjang beranakkan Muhriz ni,die tak ada dgn kami,sunyi pulak rasa even it was just 15mins drive.Arrived the frauenklinik 5mins to 7am,passed the Mutterpass to a midwife and she assisted us to a room;kene buat CTG seround dulu,then cucuk needle.Dah berpuluh kali rasa buat 2 bende ni,cucuk pon tak rasa apa dah.730am she came back to the room and told us that we needed to wait,tak jadi operate first sebab there's no bed dlm kinderklinik for adik nanti.Actually the day before my gynae dah call ckp pasal nie,but she said she will arrange sth so I boleh beranak on the 16th tue jugak.Then came my gynae ckp the same thing,kene tunggu kejap,sambil tue buat ultrasound.She was not happy with the amount of fluid I had so die kata akan arrange jugak caeserean for me hari tue,the other option was to have the operation over there,but since the NICU was full,my baby and I would to be transferred to another hospital yg actually closer to our home.Tapi Allah kan Maha Kuasa,in less than 5 mins,somebody called her ckp they're going to transfer another elder baby to that hospital,Alhamdulillah boleh proceed dgn operation tapi dah kene potong queue sekarang jadi no 3.Sambil tunggu hubby pasang surah Maryam dan recited Al Quran,sit next to me and hold my hands,kami tunggu je.Not much talking.
10:20am,came the dr.She said my turn was next.She just wanted to do another ultrasound again,nak tgk location placenta.Bad news was the placenta lied exactly underneath the old incision(yg beranakkan Muhriz).So she must make a cut through the placenta.Kacau placenta means heavy bleeding,but we had no other choice.Pastu die ckp see you in 10mins.Dah nervous,berdoa sgt2 dipermudahkan dan selamat semuanya.Hubby dah tukar to hospital cloth,he looked happy tapi boleh nampak die pon sama nervous dgn I. Then they pushed me to the operation room.Ramainya staff and they were all busy doing this and that.Midwife usap2 ckp everything was gonna be okay.The anaes came and introduced herself in English.Explained to me yg die akan inject 2 needles on my back,first one was the local anaes,the 2nd one was the spinal anaes but i wouldn't feel the 2nd one sebab masa tue yg 1st dah in effect.Masa inject ni hubby was told to wait outside.Seriously tak rasa sakit macam cucuk time muhriz dulu,rasa cam kene gigit semut api je.Then they assisted me to lie down,on the operation table.Kaki started to feel numb,tangan kene spread out and all sort of wires being passed by.And they gave me some oxygen,this time pon tak ada rasa nak muntah macam Muhriz jugak.Pastu they lifted up my gown buat macam tabir dan hubby pon dtg dok sebelah.The doctors consistently tanya I okay ke tak,did i feel anything strange?Saya ckp boleh rasa lagi kaki nie tapi makin numb rasanya.They said it's ok as long as I tak rasa pain kat tummy kan sebab they already started the operation.What?patut la rasa kene tenyeh2 perut.It wasnot painful but a bit uncomfortable,senak2 je.In less than 10mins,dgr macam bunyi air tumpah,so I asked them did my water break?Sure it did sebab lepas tue dgr suara baby.Tanya hubby "boy ke" hubby ckp "aah".Muhsin was delivered at 11:40am alhamdulillah.As been told before,sebab Muhsin might need special care after birth,they would straight away rush him to NICU,so I pon mmg tak sempat tgk dan pegang.
Hubby went to see Muhsin kejap then came back to sit next to me.But I started to rasa penat nak tutup mata.Tgk jam kat tangan doctor yg jaga my oxygen dah 11:55am.Rasa tadi die ckp patut boleh settle in 1 hour but now dah 55mins macam boleh rasa diorang still working on my tummy,macam tgh suck sth je.Tiba2 macam kecoh,hubby was told to wait outside because I was experiencing some bleeding and I knew something was wrong sebab the dr started to inject needles on weird places and marked them Arteries.The aneas came to me with a mask and told me everything was going to be okay,i just need to sleep.Lepas letak mask tue mmg blank,no dream,tak rasa apa2.I woke up with a greet from a nurse,tanya how was I doing?I didnot answer but asked her back where was I.In ICU she said and she would call hubby to see me.Nampak jam kat dinding,it was 630pm,maknanya sudah pengsan for 6.5 hours.
Hubby came in and I asked him what happened?He told me there's a bleeding but everything was under control and I was okay.And what about Muhsin?Hubby ckp they examined him and he might need an operation tomorrow.So it was really happening.The esophageal atresia the dr diagnosed antenally was really hitting him.I wanted to cry but too sick to do so.One minute I was so glad to deliver him "safely" but the next I was so sorry for what he needs to go through later.I asked for his photo,if hubby had taken any.He's perfect,looks exactly like abang Muhriz masa kecik2,muka bulat,rambut hitam,pipi gemok.Ada wires hooked to him but he didnot look like he's in pain,tido je.
Sebab ICU sorang visitor je boleh masuk at one time,hubby took turn with my brother.Muhriz was not allowed to come in.I heard my brother,who is also medical staff ,asking the dr how much blood being transfussed to which the dr said 7 units and instantly i saw his eyes got teary.7pm and they were told the visiting hour was over and to come again tomorrow afternoon.So saya keseorangan terbaring di situ dgn bunyi machine.Far from my expectation.Far from what I was ready for.Unlike the 1st delivery,everything was so smooth,keluar je operation terus dpt pegang baby.Lying alone helplessly to even lift up my legs,I wanted to cry so much tapi suara macam hilang dan wires sgt byk,kat leher ada 3 needles dan 3more on each arms,dan ada di chest jugak,not needles tapi yg detect heart beat tue,dunno what is it called.Besides the urine bag,they hook 2more bags to drain blood from the operation,so ada 2 lubang dr buat on my tummy close to the incision.Letih sgt i slept straight dari hubby balik sampai the next morning.
Paginya baru I discovered what had really happened to me,sebab dr yg operate tue dtg visit then cerita.Yes cutting through the placenta caused the bleeding,but the other thing was the placenta stucked to the uterus so the dr had a hard time removing it and I bled so much that they have to leave a small part of it in there,it's called placenta accreta or sth.They even told hubby that they were going to remov my uterus if the bleeding didnot stop.
Then the dr ckp "I was so scared".I got what she meant,I almost lost my life.I lost almost 3liters of blood but the tranfusion saved my life.A normal person with weight 70kg has around 5liters of blood and I was only 50kg pregnant lady.So 3liters was more than a lot for me.Alhamdulillah Allah bagi lagi peluang untuk bernafas.Of course I still cannot understand how serious the whole situation was tapi sampai sekarang hubby doesnot want to talk much about it.Cuma asyik ckp betullah ibu nie gadai nyawa just to deliver a baby.Sebelum ni I asik tanya why does one need a blood transfusion.Sekarang sgt2 berterima kasih kepada penderma darah.
Now after 14 days alhamdulillah dah almost fully recovered,tinggal lubang drainage je belum tertutup betul.Terima kasih ya Allah.I got discharged after 8 days.Spent 3 days lying in the ICU and the rest in the normal unit.But that's not important anymore.My Muhsin masih di hospital,to whoever reads this blog,please makes doa for him,semoga cepat sembuh ye.Tenkiu
